It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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