I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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