So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
