Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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