I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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