Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
