Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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