I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
