just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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