Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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