I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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