u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
