I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
