Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
