I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
