these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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