remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
