Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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