do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
