First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
