ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
