Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
