Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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