you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
