Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
