Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
