Little spoons don't ask big questions
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
