Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
