Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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