Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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