Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
