i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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