My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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