I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
