I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It's just like the Real World with babies
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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