if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the condom got lost in my hair
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
