I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
