I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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