If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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