good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Randomize
