No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
