I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
