goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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