Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
