Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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