new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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