I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
