3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
