i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
