i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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