I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Randomize
