How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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