So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
