Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
