just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
