My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
