Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She even gives head with a lisp.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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