Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
